Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why is it every single fucking time I depend on someone they end up letting me down?
Most kids (while they live with their parents, which I still admittedly do), have a few expectations of the arrangement.
1. Feed me.
2. Clothe me.
3. Protect me.
4. Make sure I have any sort of prescription/OTC medication absolutely necessary.
And for some reason, my parent's either can't or won't continue to remember the last expectation. Every time they 'forget' to pick up, say, Midol or something, it's my fault that they forgot because I was there with them and had enough money to buy less than a box when they said 'I'm gonna get (Medication) because it's better to have more than just one box/bottle.' When I bring it up later (which inevitably starts a fight and that annoying sinking feeling of let-down) I'm 'over-reacting' and when I show that, yes, the box of twenty-four Midol won't last all that long because of a) my weight which requires a dosage of two pills and b) the speed at which this wears off, requiring me to take it once in the morning, once at noon, and once in the evening to keep my cramps from waking me up at night/making me nearly pass out/making me throw up/making me too weak to even handle going out of the house, I'm somehow 'doing it wrong'.
What the fuck.
So, me and my mom get into an argument about the existance of robots, and it led to me pulling up a bunch of science articles for her to read. I dropped 'em off in her room and left, going back to the computer to chatter at a friend, and then in about five minutes go back.
She's read them all, but for some reason kept saying 'they're real but I don't care for it' because for some unknown to me reason she decided I was arguing for their existance because I'm phobic of human contact (I actually am, but only physical contact. I dun like being touched.) and want one to teach me.
Come on everybody, this is the official spam me post. Post anonymously if you want, post in your account if you prefer that, and most of all, feel free to get whatever shit you want off of your chest. Rant about the happenings in the world, online, or in your life.
Plans have been called off, because now neither of us feel like being around each other. We're a lot like two wolves circling each other and sizing each other up. It's way too tense here. I almost wish I had that sick courage to just...find a way out. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. I really can't stand the way he acts sometimes, and every time I try to spend a little bit of time with him, it either ends with a screaming match or the two of us just ignoring each other. Please...it's just getting too hard to try anymore. Somebody please...help...
Dammit...I'm crying again...
'Okay, fine. I'll admit it. It was porn, pure and simple. Oh how bad of me to be interested in sex past the age of first being able to reproduce. What does that make me again? Oh yeah. Human.'
I swear, the first thing that went through his head was 'oh thank god it's just porn'. He's dropped it and let me be.
Pissed rant over.
I'm fairly damn sure that I would like it if they were my first (as I've never been interested in anybody else before).
For clarity: I both eat with/frequently talk to one of her ex's, who I suspect may still like her (they broke up over her inability to show that she cares). I'm also passive-aggressive, and have in fact been dropping a ton of hints, and nothing short of kissing her has worked so far. I'm not comfortable with forcing myself on somebody. I've also helped her through two or three relationships since I met her, and would most likely do it again so long as she herself was happy. This is something I've been stewing on for a surprisingly short time, as it's only been a couple months since I admitted that men aren't really doing it for me so far, and less time since I realized what I was feeling. I've never been interested in anyone before now, and the same goes for sex. Since I've admitted it to myself, I've come to realize that the one thing I'd want out of my first time would be that it was her.
Any suggestions in this case?
2. I respond by asking you a couple personal questions so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate!
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
( My answers )
Merely comment, and I will:
1) Tell you why I friended you
2) Associate you with a song/movie
3) Tell a random fact about you
4) Tell a first memory about you
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7) In retort, you MUST spread this disease in your LJ