Me: 'This gem comes from Wide Awake, a favorite in the Twilight fandom. That'll be your last warning.
I mentally manifested the entire concept of the female orgasm into a unicorn.
Yes. A unicorn.
A very pretty, white, majestic, non existent mythical creature that everyone talks about, but you never actually see first hand.
That is… unless that hand belongs to a certain Edward Cullen.
It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Well, technically it was nothing I had ever felt before. I wondered if Edward even realized he granted me two pretty white unicorns.
The first time was great beyond all comparison. But then, just as I was coming down, I felt him shudder lightly beneath me and groan huskily into my neck while I had my hand wrapped as far around him as I could through his jeans. Then I felt… it… twitching in my palm while he continued rubbing me shakily and gasping against my skin. And the realization that I was giving Edward a unicorn of his very own made me fall over the edge once more.'
'Holy fucking shit.
You've found the one piece of fiction that is actually worse than the original series!'
^ This. A hundred times this.
Me: UNICORNS: There is no last one.
'Does this mean I can now expect unicorns to fly out of my vagina every time I climax?'
'Oh, yes, they will now that you've read this. '
'I cannot imagine the writer has ever had a unicorn of her very own.'
' "Mommy, what happens after the boy puts his peepee in the girl's flower?"
"Well, sweetie...they both have unicorns."
Even the word "orgasm" isn't allowed anymore? XDDD'
Me: HARRY POTTER
Rat-Face: ..... *cackles*
Me: ...So killing a unicorn now means orgasm denial?
Rat-Face: ... *smiles* You know, orgasm denial is just -cruel-.
Me: Explains the silver blood. No. Wait. Actually. It doesn't.
Rat-Face: precum. S'why there was so little blood.
Me: hahaha. This. Forever.